Karma and Friendship
Monday, September 10th, 2007<P>I have a friend who has a drinking problem. When he has too much to drink he gets loud and out of control. He will cuss repeatedly, yell at people, and even insult complete strangers. Back in the fraternity days, this behavior was quite entertaining. However, now that we have grown up, most of us consider it unacceptable. He has even admitted to having this problem, and as more and more of his friends started to abandon him, he vowed to change his ways. However, this past weekend he was back to his old self. Even when our close friend tried to explain to him his problem, he responded with “I don’t give a fuck!” Finally, when the server cut him off, and he responded with some very rude comments, I knew things had gone too far. Soon the bar manager was out talking to him. The manager probably talked for 20 minutes, he did not throw my friend out of the bar, but merely gave him a lecture on respect (especially for women) and behavior. My friend finally listened to the manager, said “I’m sorry” a dozen times, and stopped drinking. However, had my friend first listened to our other friend who tried to tell him the same thing earlier, there would be no need for the manager to come out at all!</P>
<P>I have had my past struggles with substance abuse. I caused many problems for myself and those around me. However, I have overcome my problem long ago. I have no quit drinking completely, but more in moderation. When I was young I had always watched my Dad act in social situations. He would almost always have a beer in hand, but while his buddies were throwing back 3 in a row, he would drink more moderately. By the end of the night my Dad would be calm and cool while those around him were rowdy and intoxicated. These days, I find myself acting the same way. I like to drink beer, but I seriously dislike the feeling of being drunk. This past weekend, I had a cocktail before dinner, followed by a glass of wine, and then a couple of beers through the night. In between drinks I drank glasses of water, coffee, and danced out on the floor empty-handed. By the time my friend was getting lectured by the bar manager, I was completely sober, drinking a glass of water and watching my friend’s actions in disgust.</P>
<P>As we left the bar, the manager said to us “you can judge a person by the friends he keeps.” Because we were all polite, and some of us even apologized to the server on behalf of our friend, he was spared an ejection from the bar. </P>
<P>It did not take much to convince my friend to give me the keys to his car (thankfully). But although I was totally sober, it does not make up for another problem I have: a speeding problem. Whenever I am on the highway, you can find me in the far left lane, moving faster than the cars to my right, and riding up on the tailgate of a car in front of me. In my opinion the left lane on most highways should not have a speed limit, but unfortunately it does. As we were driving back to my friends house on the highway, I was cruising in the left lane when I saw a car start to creep up on my right side. So, naturally, I sped up (there should be no reason for a car in the right lane to be moving faster than the left). He started to creep more and more, and I sped up more. Then he changed lanes and got behind me. He was tailgating me, so I moved even faster. I finally hit 80 mph when my rearview mirror exploded in flashing red and blue! </P>
<P>My inebriated friend in the passenger seat started to freak out. “Are you okay, man?” he kept asking as I pulled over. It was very obvious that the cops were aiming for a DUI sting…but I was totally confident.</P>
<P>The cop walked over and told me I was speeding, checked my license and insurance, asked if I still lived in Colorado (this incident was happening in Illinois) and if I had an up to date insurance card (mine renews every september, and I assumed the new card was waiting in my mailbox back home), and asked whos car I was driving. Finally, he asked me to get out of the car and walk back to his squad car. Both my friends in the car thought they were going to be picking me up in jail, but I wasn’t worried. At first I thought the cop was going to make me blow in a breathalizer, and I wondered if he was prepared for me to tell him that it wasn’t going to happen (not ever, thank you). However, he simply said to me, in a casual manner “I just have to do a test to make sure you are safe to drive”. He moved his pen back and forth and up and down, and I followed with my eyes, and he told me to get back in the car and he would write me a warning for the speeding. I thought for a second about explaining to the cop that I was only speeding because he was creeping on my right, but I figured I was getting off easy so I’d just let it go.</P>
<P>I got back in the car and my friends were shocked. “I can’t believe you’re back in the car!” one said. </P>
<P>”No worries,” I told him, “I know I’m sober, the cop knows I’m sober. I’m a sober friend driving a couple intoxicated friends home. This is how it is supposed to work.”</P>
<P>As a growing Catholic, my favorite of Christ’s teaching is to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In a more holistic sense, this theory translates to karma. When you bestow good karma upon those around you, you will be rewarded when you need it most. Because I had watched my friend spiral into a drunken mess, I had slowed down my drinking, to stay alert and more responsible. Because I had been polite and calm when my friend insulted the bar staff, he was spared an ejection. Finally, I was rewarded by staying out of jail after a fun night on the town. I only hope my unfortunate friend starts to realize this power and curbs his behavior for the better.</P>