Scripted Reality
The only source of information I have on the election is the talking heads on the Sirius radio cable news channels, and my friend the liberal intellectual from Calumet City. Most people don’t have such friends in the know, so we all rely on the news media to explain the play-by-play of this scripted entertainment show. Yes, scripted…the election for the President of the USA is anything but a reality show. The media are quick to tell us every single little nuance in the campaigns, and why that will affect OUR vote.
On one side, the republicans have written a tale of the All American boy, who who went to war and almost died on behalf of the Stars and Stripes. Just like George Washington…what a hero. We should all rally behind him and bask in his glow. Their Vice President pick reminds me of my mother, and your mother, and everybodys mother! Who wouldn’t vote for her? She’s going to take care of you. Her speeches are witty…remember: girls are always smarter than the boys. In fact, you could probably break down every punchline and attribute it to crack team of late night talk show writers. She comes off as the ultimate smart girl and the ultimate smart ass. Oh did we mention her baby has Downs Syndrome? Did you hear it from the 5th talking head on FOX News? Lets get a close up picture of the baby. How cute. (What the hell is a newborn baby doing in a massively loud concert auditorium full of 50,000 people?) Now lets get a picture of the 72-year old POW war hero with the cute baby. Careful, he can’t move his arms very far because he got the shit beat out of him by the Viet Cong for five years. Country First.
On the other side, the Democrats have bought out the full committee. You’re not just getting the smooth talking young idealist, and keenly witty, yet sometimes outspoken wife. They’ve got two kids too. They’re not handicapped. Just little black girls with braided pigtails. You can’t get much cuter than that. Experience? Who needs it, when you have the 42nd President in your corner? He was the favorite President of our times, we should be ecstatic at the chance to have him right behind the young President. He’s brought his wife, the Power Senator, and the Senate Majority. You get the package deal. Vote for us, give us ultimate power and we’ll fix what’s wrong with this damn country. Even good ol’ Ted Kennedy is on board this ship. Vote for us, we can erase everything Bush did. It will be like the last eight years never happened. United We Stand.
Speaking of authoritarian power, what the hell is going on in the Soviet Union? Yes, the Soviet Union. We never defeated those guys, they just lurked away for a while. Where is Reagan with his cowboy hat? All I can find are a bunch of college girls with Cowboy hats at the RNC.
The media heads have us sucked in. The Russian president is it out shooting siberian tigers and blaming another People’s War on the election in America. Better vote for the war hero. Where is Patton when we need him?
Lets not forget about the hurricanes. They all have cute names, too. just like all the pretty children of the candidates. Here’s Hanna, and Ike. They’re coming. They’ve stopped for a drink in Cuba. We don’t know what their plan is, but we’ll keep you updated. In between all the politics.
Wait! Put it all on hold. Here come the New Yawk Football Giants. Politics? What are they? How is my fantasy team doing?